Happy New year friends. Thanks for sticking with me through 2014. Your stopping by here made me smile. Thank you! I pray and hope for the best of 2015 for us all.
I wrote this review for another blog but it didn't get published somehow so I thought to put up a revised version here. This is a little personal for me and it took forever for me to decide to post it on here but yes this is what 2014 looked like...
I really can’t remember the early parts of 2014, because there were no highlights just life. Work, school etc.
Health is Wealth
In all my years on earth, I have never had cause to sleep on a hospital bed; I have had ailments, they were not just so grave that I would be admitted. Even though I had hoped that it would continue that way till it was time to give birth….that changed in June, 2014. Severe food poisoning…3 nights, and abundant intravenous fluids after. I was discharged. That seemed to be the worst that would happen this year until August 19. I can easily say 2014 for me was August 19 -December 2014.
It seemed like a normal day till it wasn’t. Death took my boss only he wasn’t just my boss. He was my mentor, my friend and the big brother I still don’t have. I saw life, work, and success through his eyes.
His death left me wrecked for days; I remember saying his eulogy at the wake keep and smiling. That smile was a cover, I was hurting. His death opened my eyes to all the things that were not going so well in my life. I became very unsatisfied, ungrateful, confused, I was in a dark place for weeks. My afternoons were filled with tears, my nights…hahahaha I rolled on the bed till the early hours of the morning when sleep will finally decide to have compassion on me and stroke my eyelids with sleep just for few hours.
His death brought so much pain. pain in caps. PAIN. I was not certain about how to go on with work, I was clueless on how to preserve the vision, the cloak of leadership fell on me somehow. I wasn’t ready or maybe I didn’t want to be ready. He is a big shoe to fill. I had to take on responsibilities and it was difficult because my mind was dark, very dark. I started covering up the pain with reading. Books became a world I could lose myself in because I felt lost in this world. I hardly read fiction, but I read loads of Paulo Coelho’s books…Adultery. Alchemist. Aleph etc. Those books saved me. I began to exercise a lot. Exercises saved me. Green Tea saved me. Crying saved me.
Peace like a river. My God experience!
I began to pray a lot, study the bible a lot too. Now I still don’t know why his death affected me so much but I was messed up and scared. I would cry so much I’ll have headache, I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I became so scared, I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because I didn’t understand it myself. Sometime in November, I was on my bed ready to sleep and the tears came, I was so tired I couldn’t pray, that day I was convinced I was going to choke to death from weeping. I was done. I needed to move on but didn’t know how. I grabbed my phone and quickly opened my Youversion bible app. I was studying the book of acts and I tried to continue but it didn’t just feel right. Somehow I found my way to the book of Psalms. I started reading out loud; it became so intense, like I wrote those words…after reading about 6 random chapters. This PEACE washed over me and I slept off. I couldn’t explain it, I still can’t but when the bible says “Peace that passes all human understanding” the bible was referring to the peace I had that night. My PEACE. I remember that night all the time, as I’m typing it still feels so real. So calming. Mans! That day was the beginning of my healing.
I learnt a very good lesson in 2014. FIGHT! Fight for what you want. A tad too late, but I ditched the que sera sera school of thought…I joined the fight-for-what-u-want bandwagon. I’m still learning every day to fight. You want to lose the extra kg. Exercise and watch your diet. Want to be a good writer, read more and practise your writing. I’m happy that I am fighting. In tiny steps but I am fighting…
The good times
My year wasn’t all bad; there were a couple of happy times. My big sister got married, my other sister got introduced , I got Nathan (my car) by the way Nathan is a Hebrew name that means gift from God, I finished my Master’s Program, I got a nephew…I mean, what’s not to be grateful for ? I’m grateful to God for the good times….for family and for my few friends.
I’m glad 2014 is gone, but I’m most happy 2014 made me stronger, 2014 made me a prayer/word addict, a hope carrier, a warrior of light…
I'm still not there yet but I’m finding my happy and I’m learning to preserve it in spite of. Bring it on 2015. I have a good feeling about you!
When there is nothing else to burn, set yourself on fire-Unknown