Life as a fat girl

I can’t remember ever being a slim girl; but I remember how my cloth size started increasing every year, I remember how I have lost the fat and added it back ….much more I remember the smirk looks I get at the family meetings, at the boutiques as if I'm some disease sent from hell to finish the rest of mankind, even sometimes on the streets. While some people think big is beautiful, some others think big means ugly, invisible or a plague.

So i just thought i should create this blog because i have been loosing a lot of fat the past weeks and I'm getting some positive nods and a few "slim don't fit you looks". Now I am confused , what do people really want from me? I mean, now that i have decided on my own to loose the fat they so hate...they are now complaining.

Anyway, I created this blog to share with you the joys and the pains of being fat as I go through my everyday and my journey to a healthier mind and body. I hope to inspire you (no matter your size).You are welcome as you journey with me in my struggle..

I cannot say food has contributed to my being fat,even though I love my mum’s food… lol, and yes, my paternal family has the tendencies but I am not blaming my weight problems on any of these…

When  I thought about putting up this diary, I asked myself if I wanted to be slim because I got tired of people giving me that look, you all know that look na,abi?  because you people are the ones who give it. I'm asking myself if am loosing weight because I want to be accepted in the society, you know one actually gets frustrated at times with all the comments. Yes , i get tired of being treated with lesser respect or as if I am a  second citizen, (some guy even told me to my face that he thinks fat people like me are not responsible and he thinks the way we can’t be responsible for our weight we can’t be responsible for stuffs in our lives too, he thinks we cannot set goals and achieve them if we can’t set a goal to lose some fat and achieve it).

I 'm still thinking, am I doing it to wear more fashionable clothes (as we don't get the nice clothes in big sizes) or what?…it got me thinking for a while and I objectively came up with my answer, an answer that is just for me, am sorry if the society can’t accept me because am fat,…but am never going to do anything for the people of this world to get the satisfaction, I want to do it for me, for us..

Abi,who doesn’t want to live a healthy life? Or feel lighter? we all want to, but many times in life we find ourselves in situations and we don’t actually know how we got there or we are too busy pleasing other people that we failed to live consciously, we just wake up one morning and woo! we realize we are a size 24, trust me am not going to hang myself because of that or even ignore my strong desire for chocolates, ice creams and cakes (which I happen to love, unfortunately).

This is not  some well thought out blog but I will try to be as eloquent as I can be but mostly I just want to rant about how the world treats me, inspire people and then somehow be slim at the end of this diary.

I crave to be a slim girl, (size 12 is my goal), and not the pathetically thin girl mind you, rather the “hawt- shapey girl” in a tank top and a lovely jeans pant with a flat sandal and some confidence to spare.*wink* You know… the girl who is right there in the action. That’s what I want, this is where I am now, fat and heavy.

I have been on this diet for a couple of weeks now,and believe me its not been easy…waking up 5 a.m. every day on the street jogging my ass out, killing myself, doing the jumps and getting the look from passers- by about what the crazy fat chick is doing. I fear that I will fall off the journey again, and that I might be here few months later still as the fat neighbor, friend, or even the fat girl in another wedding of a slim friend or relative, but what the heck.

I also fear that if I don’t lose the fat I might develop some horrible disease…I fear that I won’t have the strength to go for the mountain climbing I have wanted to go for, I fear I won’t be able to wear the kinda wedding gown I want to wear and not get the side nasty comments …so either ways, I have this fear am so trying to overcome.

May be If  I can hate food, losing weight would be so much easier and less annoying. The sad thing is  some people never experience this pain of being fat like you and I, I mean people starve to death every day in the world so shouldn’t we at least enjoy the “food experience” while we can and be thankful for it. Okay, rant officially over.

On a serious note, I saw it somewhere that a doctor said “given the death grip with which the fat body holds on to food, fat people would probably easily survive something like a famine and all the skinny people would die”. I take a certain satisfaction from that thought.*smiling*

So, again I say – I don’t have a plan, but I’m formulating one. As of now, I’m really just trying to be more conscious of what I’m putting in my mouth and exercising.  After all, food moderation and exercise is all it comes down to.

This has been very sauntering, but stay tuned as we go through the journey together.  I’m not sure what will actually happen here, but I’m anxious to start.  I’ll share some experiences as you know there will always be, you guys are welcome to share your experience as a fat naija girl too, I will also share great techniques that I come across or “invent” and even recipes, herbal tea etc. I’ll share my success as the weight goes off and God forbid my failures.

Thanks for reading and hopefully joining me.  I simply can’t wait to see where its all going to end!