...its about dating and size

Mary searching for her Mr. Right...lol

I have been holding myself from writing this but sorry friend, I have to. I just can’t take this no more. I mean I don’t quite understand when weight became the pre-requisite for dating, my good paddy is in a plight. She’s been out of the country for a while, she gets back and she’s added a few kg, her mum is on her neck as to why she has added weight and unfortunately no boyfriend too. Her brother feels she won’t be getting married because she now wears a size 18 and no man would want a plus- sized chic like her hmm...am fuming as am writing this...my paddy na correct African chic o...I mean she’s got flesh in the right places and lots of confidence to spare.

I think I need a bit of help here, because I can't for the life of me remember when our sizes became the yard stick for a good relationship? Is it not supposed to be about what’s inside us...the love...the sincerity...the trust...? I know physical attraction is really important but is it the most important? I used to think African men like their women full, at least that was what it was in the days of our fathers, funny but it was even used to measure how wealthy the men are...if you are full- figured, then your husband is rich...lol. It’s so sad that the western idea of beauty has infiltrated our society. Now we all think that if a woman isn’t anorexic she is not worth any thing. Hmm, what is this world turning into?

Isn't big beautiful?

Unfortunately, there are loads of honest, trust worthy, kind- hearted, sweet, loving women that get overlooked because they don’t meet “our” funny standard of beauty. When in truth there are only a handful of women that look like super models, the average African woman wears between a size 10 & 14, those models we pattern our lives after..., the ones in the magazines...they are only air-brushed, they are not perfect too. So should we be castigated because we are not perfect?

I think somehow what the society calls attractive is not stable. If all of a sudden a celebrity, say Tyra Banks comes out and says a size 16 is the next “...ish” thing in the fashion world, believe me the whole world would start going crazy, wanting to get fat not minding the health consequence. Like it was the case with tans. In the western world, at least before the cancer craze, a tan was attractive, the society saw it has a sign of an active healthy life. Whereas in the past tan skin was the sign of a labourer, and was not considered attractive. So why do we now base our own lives on instability.

Let’s get this clear, I am not saying it’s okay to be a plus- size especially if there are health challenges attached to your being big, lose the weight by all means but let your concentration be on losing weight to help or prevent health problems, not on pleasing the society.

The truth is I can be a "bigger" woman like I am now and still be healthy. Our health shows in our skin, hair, nails, eyes, and attitude. There are many men who like overweight women. It's only the shallow kind of man that buys into “what the society thinks" crap.

Here’s my opinion to my plus size sistahs: Don’t let people look down on you because you are big, build up yourself esteem “Bold is beautiful”. Confidence is the KEY to being irresistible. After all, if you don't like yourself, why would you expect anyone else to like you? Studies have shown that despite a women's body size, men prefer women who are smart, easy going,  are confident in themselves and their mate. Needing the permission or the validation from any human to secure your confidence in being sexy is a fake sense of security. As a woman, we have the innate ability to render a man helpless! But in order to do so you have to embrace the WOMAN you are, despite the package she comes in. Women of size! Get over the question of your sexiness and become “it” in mind, body and soul.  It all begins with you and that's all that matters. 

  

Some men actually do like full figured girls I mean from sizes like 20 and above. (Different strokes for different folks you'll say). Dear sitahs, just be proud of who you are and you will probably attract many men who didn't even know that they would consider a larger woman. However, be realistic, because slimness does not guarantee that you'll meet the "man of your dreams" or that you'll immediately overcome the same dating difficulties everyone else faces.

A plus sized chic in her wedding gown

I have been losing some weight and am getting asked out constantly, heads have been turning too. With all these you would think I’ll have some form of satisfaction but no I don’t, most of the guys hitting on me are nasty, vulgar and mostly married. They sit around making fun of fat women while they have fat rolls hanging out from their pot bellies. So maybe you should take note that the guys that don't like overweight women aren't anything to be worrying about anyways. I would rather be plus sized than put up with the sexual harassment that comes with being thin or slim.

And to the people like my paddy’s brother, that think we won’t get married because we are big, siddon there...it will happen in your very before. 

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears
The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes
Because that is the doorway to her heart
The place where love lies
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul
--Lucinda