It rained on sunday evening...the rain was so soothing after the terrible heat..So I wrote up a poem...my first attempt ever...lolz...I hope I did okay? May be @ilola, Seye or A-9ja-Great can make a better piece out of it. Enjoy!
The clouds are mysteriously dark
The blinds sway in sweet rythm
The doors hammer on their hinges
The trees, the trees wave their hands in awe of their creator
The winds quitely strokes my face
The thunder roars like a pride of lions
The lightning, the lightning flashes across the skies like arrows
The heat shamelessly hides its face
And the rain, the rain came down like long knitting needles
It is what it is...God's blessing to mankind
P.S: I follwed @ilola's advice, and removed the 'ing'... I think its getting better
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| The girl in the rain |
Sweet poetry. I rained last night too, and it's all cool and beautiful now.
ReplyDeleteYea! I like the cool that rain brings
DeleteLike this....wonder what life would had been without rain and what a pleasure for blessings to rain on us.
ReplyDeleteI cant imagine it too...life without rain..Arghhhh..it would have been terrible
DeleteAhn ahn, you tried jooo. Very well. Only thant I would remove the 'ing' s so it would make the sentences more active.
ReplyDeleteSo we are having more poets on blogs. welcome to the club
Awww, thanks dear..will work on removing the 'ings'...I'm willing to be your good student
DeleteNot bad for a first timer. I love the smell of rain particularly after a very dry spell
ReplyDeleteYes,especially after a dry spell, you got me imagining the smell...lol
Delete...and me lulled off to sleep by the ''tap-tap'' on my roof....
ReplyDeleteNothing like the smell of rain...Nice poem...Made me yearn for rain especially in this hot Abuja...
That's a nice finish line, so stealing that line
DeleteIf lagos was that hot I cant imagine what Abuja is like.
I pray it rains in Abuja soon too
nice poem........i really wish it could rain now
ReplyDeleteThanks hun
DeleteVery nice
ReplyDeleteThanks ema
DeleteThe first thing that comes in my mind is that without rain we would not have food haha but more seriously I love when it rains (sometimes) especially when I'm with my bf I like to hear the sound of the drops falling and how the weather is fresh. Enough of me, your poem is very nice :)
ReplyDeletenow i'm dreaming about the rains...thanks dear
DeleteThat was really beautiful.
ReplyDeleteRain, indoors, nighttime, the SO, *sigh*
perfection
Aww...thank you, now you got my head sweling.Thanks for stopping by
DeleteLove the smell of rain. Great poem, well done!
ReplyDeleteI love the smell of rain too...thanks
DeleteBeautiful poem! It paints a vivid picture of the soothing weather of coming rain. I like it!
ReplyDeleteFor a newbie in poetry you're not bad at all!
The only area that I just feel you might want to correct is the line before the last:
'And the rain, the rain came down like long knitting needles'
By saying it that way you make the falling of the rain negative - that the rain came down in the manner of knitting needles. Imagine being rained upon by knitting needles - that would be dangerous. But if you had written it like this:
'And the rain looking like long knitting needles came down'
That way, you are saying that the rain looked like knitting needles as it came down - not that it fell like knitting needles.
Chai...I don talk too much...don't mind me oh...just being a poem critic. The poem really rocks. Some may not even see the line as negative!
Lol...you have not said too much o! Thanks lots....will do a correction soon
DeleteHi Lady D, I see u're trying new grounds, not badd at all!
ReplyDeleteBeeni o! Thanks sis!
DeleteReally good, i'm proud of you :D
ReplyDeleteI LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay let me try some Seye style to this :D
When you said it would pour,
We called it many things
And we called it rain.
From within that throne room
I would assume you had that
Long wooden rod in hand,
The one others call a scepter.
You would tap the barrels
The ones labeled "rain"
Tap! Tap! Heavy barrels tap!
And that roar like a pride of lions
We would hear. We would hear
Later hear it, miles apart
And call it thunder. Thun-der!
The wind blows my face quietly
Like the whisper of a long lost lover
Beckoning you to come back.
You know you can feel it
But yet you can't hold him.
Then the tip-tapping
This raindrop's dropping-
And my window blinds sway-
The motion of a vibrant choir.
The doors hammer on their hinges
And I understand. Who wouldn't want
To be free to love this loving-
Of mankind's blessing, this down pouring!
And when the trees wave their hands
And the rustles add to the beat,
Who would deny they mumble-
"The awe of our creator".
But I swear I hear these words.
When the rain comes down like long knitting needles,
And the heat shamelessly hides its face,
I would peep out of my window,
Drops trickling down its hedges,
Racing down the glass like kids on a rampage.
I will mutter "God's blessings".
It is what it is.