DAY 6: CELEBRATING IMPERFECTIONS-MIss 'Lara

I tossed and turned, sleep has eluded me yet again, I felt weak and with the trembling in my body I couldn't talk or move, slowly I motioned toward my dresser, my eyes stray into the mirror; 'I hate my nose' I thought, 'my eyes too and my cheek bones are way too flat'. In an instant I remembered my demons had returned and the self loathing had begun. I tried to look away but I felt motionless, powerless I could see nothing but my imperfections weighing on me like physical weight. Why do I not look like the other girls I questioned, why do I have to look this way I probed further, this questions plagued me and I was weak in my soul. I sat still and then it came, the rage it welled up inside me like the ‘Hurricane Sandy’ and I burst out sticking my fist into the mirror in front of me, sobbing in a loud voice and shaking as my knuckles bled, I bled and cried and suddenly, it felt like the pain in my heart had reduced… "I can do better" I thought I picked up a piece of the broken mirror and began to mark my body, the physical pain seemed to drown out the pain in my heart I was convinced that if my body could match the pain in my heart then I will be able to go through life again. This was not the first time.

I hurt like hell, everyday is painful, my last two room mates left because they were scared I will hurt myself in a way that will get them implicated, I didn't know how to love myself not to talk of others, there was this compulsion to inflict pain on my body because I felt that was what I deserved, that's what I'm used to. I felt like love and attention were not made for me and I never let anyone in. My life hurts I thought to my self I just might end it right now. As I searched my hand carefully  for a vein or blood vessel to severe. As I searched, it happened .

There he was, sitting on my dresser,”Hey little girl” he said his voice as soft as a feathers touch, “why do you hurt so much and why have your allowed your dark shadows overshadow you”? “I hate being me I retorted, I hate that I am ugly, I hate that love never sticks and I hate my face in the mirror I continued” he listened with so much love in his eyes and then said; “Deborah” his voice stern this time, "Don’t you know that you are strong on your inside? you have what it takes to be whatever you want to be and the power for change lies in you… you can rise up now and look at yourself, look within you and realise you are meant for greatness l know that life has challenged you but you have a choice to either be a victim or a victor, you can choose to be a winner or a looser the point is you have to choose".

As he spoke to me I realised I had been taking life lying down, I realised I had to rise up to the challenges of life and take a stand to be happy, look in the mirror and see a beautiful, intelligent  strong, passionate person that I am and understand that imperfections are normal part of life. Celebrate my imperfections because that’s what makes me different and all I want to be is the best version of myself…

Like an epiphany it dawned on me life was worth living and I was going to live it well, I don't want to be anything other than the best version of me. 

“Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another!” - Jane Austen

Written: 'Lara Oriye
Blogs at: http://www.powerloveandsoundmind.com
Twitter handle: @Misslara16